You are enough.
You don’t take up too much space.
You don’t have to apologize for existing.
This week alone without my *roommate* has taught me a lot about what I want. I reconnected with who I am when I am completely and utterly a l o n e.
I am a people pleaser. I spend a lot of my time doing what others want, compromising who I am for what others want, apologizing for who I am, neglecting the parts of me that want something different…and most importantly, forgetting to talk to GOD about it all.
Here’s what I discovered as I spent a week in the silence of my apartment with the stillness of my thoughts:
I really like routine. Like really, really like it. I am like, so freaking good at a routine.
I need at least 30 minutes alone in the morning with GOD. I could always use more but 30 is the minimum in order to feel rejuvenated. This time alone with HIM reminds me who HE created me to be. And it’s pretty darn peaceful.
I’m really good at being alone. But we aren’t created to be lonely. I learned to seek out family and my sweet neighbors/friends any time I felt lonely. I used to think only romantic attention could fill that void, but I am seeing things different now. I’ve learned to seek out family and friends.
I realized I was seeking attention and approval from all the wrong people. No, that cute, drunk boy at a party will never make you happy in the long run. No, that guy who liked you on Tinder probably won’t lead you closer to Christ. I kind of giggle to myself now when I think about the constant attention and approval I wanted from boys who I would never even want to surround myself with at the end of the day.
I’m really good at motivating myself. I love that I can workout, eat well, wake up early, go to bed early, and eat ice cream all by myself. I don’t give myself enough credit for merely e x i s t i n g.
I was spending a lot of unnecessary time on social media. I like social media, I do. But what’s the point of constantly scrolling? I unfollowed people who didn’t bring me J O Y and then I followed more people who do. I love when I pull up my Instagram now and inspirational quotes are the first to appear.
I really like who I am. There was a time in my life when I hated who I was. I couldn’t tell you one thing I liked about myself. Isn’t that sad? Now, I’m like WHERE TO BEGIN?! I love my skin. I love my freckles. I love my hair color. I love how cute I look in girly dresses. I love my obnoxious laugh. I love that I love people so hard. I love that I can’t sing. I love that I also can’t whistle. I love that I know how to cook healthy things. I love that GOD created me exactly the way I am supposed to be. I love that I am ever-changing.
Speaking of surrounding myself…I’m reserving that for the special people in my life. I love being someone who loves people HARD. But I’m tired of giving away all my love to people who haven’t even earned a drop of my respect.
I am so c o n t e n t and at p e a c e with who I am in my life right now. If you ever feel like the light at the end of the tunnel won’t be there…I promise you it will. I’ve had some heavy burdens laying on my heart these last few months and after crying a bit to my parents and my sweetest neighbor (HI MICHELLE!), I am finally feeling like myself again. This week by myself, talking with GOD more, and giving myself G R A C E has been the best vacation I never knew I needed.
Thanks for reading friends. You are never alone, I hope you know that. GOD is always, always, ALWAYS with you. And you can always reach out to me too!
*dearest roomie: you know I missed you. A week without you was too dang long. I missed our morning coffee talks, our long walks, and eating dinner together. But I am so glad I had a week to reevaluate who I am. 🙂 *
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