Today I am feeling funky. off. weird. sad.
I have no idea.
I went to bed last night feeling emotionally and mentally exhausted. I cried myself to sleep last night and I haven’t done that in a long, long time.
I woke up at my normal 4:45 alarm clock and hoped heading to the gym for a workout would make me feel better. It honestly felt like a band-aid. I felt fine during my workout but then I came home and started crying again… ?
Something is tugging at my emotions and causing me to feel sad and reserved.
I battled all last night and this morning to try to think of something to help me get out of my “funk”. I blasted the Mariah Carey holiday channel and the Mama Mia soundtrack during my workout (my goto’s to feel better) and I even took the time to prepare breakfast and take a picture of it. I tried reading the Bible, I tried taking a hot shower, I tried sipping my coffee slowly.
But I didn’t feel like eating breakfast or drinking coffee. I didn’t feel like reading the Bible.
NOTHING was working. I just wanted to lay down.
But then I realized, why don’t I just let myself be sad? Why don’t I just let myself EXPERIENCE this emotion.
If I let myself experience joy, happiness, love, and anger why can’t I let myself experience sadness?
“Fear neither grief , nor sickness, nor suffering, nor every trial – this is all validation of God, for your benefit…” +St. Anatoly of Optina
I think a lot of the time society tells us being sad = depressed and we need to sweep “depression” under the rug.
Well you know what? Depression and low serotonin levels run in my family. I’m tired of apologizing for having a little depression every now and then.
Today, I am going to be sad.
Tomorrow, I may be happy and joyful.
And if not, well, then so be it! I’m choosing to embrace every emotion my mind pulls at.